ADHD in Super Human Form...

The title of this post is me. Today. Things started off normally enough. Hubby's alarm went off, he got up go ready for work- remembering to turn on the bedroom lights after making sure my eyes were covered- he's such a sweetie that way. He kissed me goodbye and I heard his car leave the driveway. My bladder did too. I rolled over, trying to ignore my "You have to pee dumb ass!" sensor going off, only to have Morganna- the heaviest of two felinious furballs jump into bed and directly onto my bladder. Nope, nope nope... now we have to get up. Like now. After leaving the nice warm comfort of bed and attending to crucial matters, I laid back down. Wide awake. Crap.

I got up, poured myself a cup of coffee and decided the best way to get moving and to get my sore (probably dislocated, again, shoulders) to feel better was some yoga. In the first attempt at the Downward Dog position, after I got Skijit's butt out of my face- it dawned on me that that I have a headache. It felt like the twinge of a migraine at first, but the pounding throbbing- oh my gawd kill me that grew in my sinus' the longer I stayed with my head aimed at the floor hurt. Also clued me in to the fact my nose has been stuffy. Congratulations Michelle- you probably have something going on with your sinus'!! With eyes bulging from my head, tears streaming down my face, I sat down on my yoga mat and tried to clear my ears. Yeah. That's not going to happen. Also- I think I now know whats a zit feels like before you pop it. I coughed, cleared my throat and whoosh!! Sinus cleared and headache got a little better. Damn.

I got dressed, grabbed my back pack and the pizza pan (completely forgetting two sets of dad's plumbing tools we borrowed in early November sitting on the basement stairs) I'd been trying to remember to return to my mom and headed into town. With a stop at mom's first. It was going to be quick. In and out. Yeah- nope. What I had planned on being a quick little stop turned into coffee, conversation, Youtube playing talking guinea pig videos, and dog cuddles for almost two hours. Finally I was headed for Coopersville. I grabbed cat food and wood pellets, put gas in my truck, bought Monster, and headed home.

Then it set in. ADHD. This is how things have played out thus far...

Go to grab a bag of pellets- gosh, I should clean out my truck...
Throws trash away, unlocked the house, go back to grab bag of pellets. Carries down to basement.
Remembers that I turned off the pellet stove before I left.
Cleans pellet stove... Fights with it for a hour to get it to light-
Screws up and literally thought I was going to burn the house down once it finally lit.
Checks outside- flames coming from the chimney pipe...
Grabs another bag of pellets (down to four left in the truck) and rushes down to the basement...
Fan kicks on, fire dies down, pellet stove cranking out heat and doing fine.
Sweeps basement, empties trash cans.
Tapes new filter to box fan and gets it running to clear ash dust from the air from cleaning pellet stove.... I should pick things up down here, starts picking up basement... 
Brings a basket upstairs- I should quick do a load of laundry- fills basket, leaves sit in the hallway...
Starts picking up green and red living rooms... turns into bringing Christmas decorations down and to the basement, trips over laundry filled basket in the hallway, but leaves it sit.
Puts Christmas decorations away, heads back upstairs and starts to pick up kitchen. Brings cleaned paint brushes back to art table, finds decorations I missed, goes to put them away in the spare bedroom- ooh... look I painted that for so and so- we aren't friends anymore- 
puts canvas on easel and paints over it to have another blank canvas... starts putting art stuff away that been laying around for three days... starts moving plants around...
darn it.. they are really dry, I should water them... Grabs gallon jug, trips over laundry basket in the hallway- again, starts filling jug after jug of water to water plants... What is that doing here? 
starts picking up the red living room some more, forgetting I have a jug refilling in the kitchen sink for twenty minutes.Remembers jug refilling. Turns off water... Crap- I haven't fed the cats yet this morning, gets can of food for cats and sets it on the counter... I bought some at the store, goes outside to truck- forgets cat food, grabs another bag of wood pellets, brings to basement... Dammit I thought I started laundry... Goes upstairs to get laundry basket, but instead finishes picking up green living room and red living room. Washes dishes. 
I haven't eaten yet today... makes lunch- dirtying more dishes. I stink, I should take a shower, grabs towel and laundry basket (finally) and heads to the basement. I should sweep the basement. Sweeps basement, starts laundry, takes shower.
Post showering normalcy in the bathroom, in the middle of brushing my hair- crap! I never fed the cats. Walks into kitchen in birthday suit and feeds cats, washes lunch dishes, wonder's why I'm cold. Oh, duh... Kinda nekkid. Gets dressed. Head hurts again... I should take my meds and vitamins. Sets them on kitchen counter next to glass of water... Wanders into office and turns on space heater and computer. Sits at computer and starts working on exactly four things at once... Dammit! My head hurts! Duh- didn't take my meds... Finally takes meds. I should mop the basement... Puts on boots and goes outside to get another bag of pellets and brings it to the basement before mopping said basement... The cat food and two bags of pellets are still in my truck. I have no idea when I am going to get them.

This... This is my life at any given point. Not just today mind you... This is why I write things down so I don't forget them or lose them in some rambling freight train of mental crap.
(Stops blogging, corrects typo on calendar image... designs calendar, uploads and orders calendars...)

My brain is weird... I've been having these dreams where I am betrayed by someone I think of dearly for some petty reason and I wake up hurt, crying, and furious at someone for no real reason at all other then my brain being stupid. I've been trying to muster up the courage to find out why I haven't had a real conversation with someone in the last two weeks at least, but don't want to bother them because they are busy and have a life (enter dark and twisty thought- and I'm not really important enough) or I simply forget (because I didn't write it down) and life gets in the way or I see something sparkly or I get distracted by thinking about the huge (like tuna can huge) wolf spider that we found in the basement a week ago. My head is in a constant state of confusion and random thoughts that get lost a lot. I can focus on one thing- usually the wrong thing- and dwell on it. Why am I not good enough? Who am I to think anyone should give a damn about me? Did I upset someone? Why do I think I'm just this ugly chunky thing that no one should care about? Not crucial things like- hello, you should probably go get the canned cat food out of the truck before it freezes.

It's like the important stuff, the happy stuff gets forgotten or has to be written down and all the ugly, dark, twisty stuff sticks and runs through my thoughts over and over and over again.

But- I have sat still for long enough. I have a canvas that needs a second coat of paint, a basement that needs a second round of mopping, an art class to set up for in said basement, a photo order to send in, cat food in the truck, another blog to write and schedule for later this week, and laundry to finish... Plus about a hundred other things I'm sure will distract me.


Popular Posts