Slamming the Door and Opening a Window

Life: Walking Away into the Rainbow of Possibilities-

My body is detoxing. I am drinking a lot of water and doing yoga and stretches and just plain old cleaning out my system. Why? Because I have to. My retail job is no more. After getting screamed at constantly the straw breaker was getting screamed at because our recent new hire messed up her computer sign in stuff. “You never did it like I told you to! You’re too stubborn! This isn’t the Michelle show! This isn’t do things how Michelle wants to do them. I swear you’re just too stupid to work here…” I was then off work for five days. This was two weeks ago. I thought a lot about where things sat over the course of those five days. Could we afford it if I quit and couldn’t find a job right away? What if I held in there a little longer- rumor had it things were going to change in the fall. Could I wait that long? More of my hair is falling out and I am up to 6 Bach’s Rescue Remedy stress tabs per shift when I work with big boss man. I am constantly anxious. Constantly stressed out. Checking my schedule four times a day even on my days off- each time the looming dread of “Great… I close with him three days in a row, then open with him…” 

Hubby wanted his wife back. He wanted me to smile again. To be easy and confident and borderline stress free. He wanted his happy wife that didn’t need stress tabs and homeopathic anxiety meds to sleep at night. The internal deliberations carried on over those five days until I grew the courage to make a decision. Let’s do this. Let’s put in our two weeks. I chatted with the manager at the gas station nearby the store whom has been asking me to jump ship and come work for her for almost six months. I put my application in. Done. Friday I went into the store for my first of four shifts straight with big boss man. I was ready to hand him my two weeks- heart beat in my ears and so stressed about doing it I was burping stomach acid and was nauseous.

Then I hear that another co-worker already put her two weeks notice in that day. Dammit. I can’t do this. I cannot hand him my two weeks notice too! Not two in one day!! So I tucked my shakily hand written note back into my purse and carried on thru my shift. Grimacing whenever he came near me, waiting for him to scream at me or worse drag my into the office and yell at me (seems that’s his safer method of torture). Saturday- I sat down at my mom’s computer before I went to work and she helped me get my thoughts and reasons for quitting out on paper. It’s a beautifully crafted two weeks notice and honestly I kind of want to have it framed. When I got to work I decided to hell with it. Get it over with. Rip the f***ing band aid off and do it. I handed it to him. There was an awkward long silence. He looked at me with the “you should turn into a pile of dog shit right now” look- called my reasons bullshit and walked out. I damn near threw up. All shift. 

For lunch Saturday I munched on a handful of cashews and a cheese stick from the dollar store. I was terrified that when it came to closing that night that’s when he would rip me apart. It’s happened before- a lot. Closing came and went with nothing more then friendly banter about work. After my drawer count I grabbed my things and damn near ran to the door. Sunday- we closed together again. Happy joke here, hey could you take care of this for me there, great job cleaning up this that and the other thing… Closing- casual banter about the job while we counted down my drawer. Hmmmm- guess maybe this won’t be as painful as I thought. Or he’s medicated… Whatever.

Monday. Memorial Day. Screaming busy from the start of the day. I would take care of the tasks he asked me to when I had a lull in customers. I kept the front end of the store stocked and clean, everything seemed fine. But Boss was quiet. Too quiet. After I got back from lunch he was avoiding eye contact with me, would ignore my pages or calls. I had to speak to a key carrier to deliver him a message since he was ignoring me. The second cashier went to lunch at 1:30. I was covering everything in the front with a constant line of customers when at 1:55 Boss called me into the office. I protested a bit as I was the only cashier in the store- he called and had a key carrier cover my register. 

When I got into the office, he pulled the door closed behind me and I saw my friend, another key carrier standing there looking more at the wall then anything. “She is only in here as a witness. This has been decided long before you gave me you’re two weeks notice. You are terminated. Get you things, don’t even bother punching out and leave the building immediately.” I think I asked why… “Please, just get you’re things and leave now.” My face grew hot, my ears burned. I had a lump in my throat the size of Texas. I cleared my throat and walked out. I grabbed my cooler from the kitchen fridge- feeling him staring at me- his beady little eyes boring a hole in my back as I made every single move. I stepped up to the unused register and punched out anyways- f**k you dude. Like I’m going to let you f**k me over one last time? I grabbed my purse and told the key carrier running my register good bye. She looked confused asked where I was going. I told her I’d been fired and walked out. The entire time, Boss is staring at me. I damn near flipped him the bird but I walked out with confidence.

I drove to Subway and walked in to tell the cashier whom was on lunch that I wasn’t going to be there when she got back and that he fired me. I ate a cookie with her in a state of shock and then drove home, making a phone call to my dad to let him know since he works there too. And hour after I got home- my uniform shirts and vest were bagged and thrown into the garbage can and I was rage rototilling my new gardens.  I finally got a text from the key carrier that was in the office with us- (whom I love dearly as my sister from another mister and hold no resent towards at all. Her being in that room was just another one of his powerplays. They are really good friends so let’s have her in the room when I fire Michelle). “He said his reasons were because of your hours and too many customer complaints…. He would have told you if you had asked.”

My hours? The hours that have been the same damn thing every f***ing week for the last damn near four years? Those hours? Too many customer complaints? The last one I knew about and was written up for was in early November. What??? Hubby’s input helped sooth me more than that text- “He’s saving face. It looks bad to corporate that he’s had three people quit in two weeks. He has to look like he is still running the show and had to fire someone.” But I quit. I got fired because I was quitting. My phone call to human resources yesterday morning verified he was within his right as a store director to terminate me before the end of my two weeks. F**k it. Whatever. He is running a perfectly good store into the damn ground. I’m happy I’m not there anymore! I’m happy I don’t have to deal with his sour attitude and rancid behavior and listening to him shit talk frequent customers behind their backs. I’m done! I’m gone!!! IT’S OVER!!!!! Hence the full body detoxing currently.

Yesterday I did outside chores as the forecast for today we less then garden work friendly. I planted 210 gladiola bulbs, I planted my new wild flower bed, and I planted seeds in my new morning glory and sun flower patch underneath the jail yard light outside in the driveway. I wash and hung four loads of laundry on the clothes line. I weeded a couple gardens. I dredged out the pond, refilled it, and put in the anti-mosquito float. I cleaned the house, did dishes, made a fresh gallon of sweet tea for Hubby, I doodled a bit and took a nap. Yesterday was a good day. Sure there’s that nagging feeling of “What in the f**k…” but that will go away eventually.

Today- I stopped at Mom and Dad’s and ate pancakes and sausage with them before I ran errands in town. Now I am sorting through photos from past shoots and washing bedding that I should have washed yesterday. It’s cloudy and gray outside and a bit cooler than it has been. Summer has finally arrived in Michigan. Morganna is peacefully snoozing with her head laying on the corner of my keyboard as I type this blog and Sienna is snoring under the table at my feet. Tomorrow I have a kick ass wedding boudoir shoot lined up as a present to the bride and then a possible paid class shoot at the studio depending on weather or not anyone has signed up for it. If no one has, then no harm- I get to spend the evening with Hubby.

So enough about my life… Onto the pretty pictures shall we???

-One (Possibly) Last Time-

Before the lovely Lauren departed for her new life with her amazing man she wanted to shoot at the studio and try a powder shoot. Never again will I do that- due to the almost three hours of clean up it took post shoot. But the images are mind blowing.

-Kickin' it Old School-
I recently found my first camera. A Canon Powershot that has had more shutter clicks than I could possiblly count. It still works- a bit grumpy now and then, but it works. So now I carry it with me since I know the quaity of the images are still amazing and honestly I have gotten to the point where carrying my monster camera everywhere is back breaking.

-Bodyscapes Class-

This ended up acutally being mthe first class I taught. And I thing I did pretty well. Hell at least I looked the part :) After class there was a bit of playing around for an hour or so :) That's where the crystal ball came into play.

Oops.... Would you look at that!! Girl thinks she's still got some model skills :)

Then There is the Randomness that Occurs...

Hubby takes behind the scenes pictures when they happen in the kitchen.

Sometimes I feel pretty enough to take a selfie. And I am too much in love with our new little portable fireplace Hubby found on Craiglist.

I makes the art... And Morganna helps.

Another thing I am in a stupid amount of love with??? My new kitchen table Huby made.

Then sometimes random pictures with my phone turn out wicked great!!!

Thinking about making this design into a tee shirt....

We took Sienna through a car wash for the first time.... She was confused at first... Then didnt like it all.

I hung Christmas lights in the grapevine arbor and took a selfie- because I'm wierd.

Mama Unicorn's posse of impossibly beautiful model type people....

Then I pick flowers from the ditch by my house and make a bouquet of them...

Another photographer (and a super awesome one at that) took a picture of me doing my thing at a BWB shoot a few months ago...


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