What in the World is a "Giving Tuesday"?

Good morning on this “Giving Tuesday”… Whatever the F--- that means. Seriously- have we now dropped so far in group mental abilities that we must give names of the week “catchy” (term used loosely) names? Black Friday- I get. It sucked like hell, I work retail- more on that in a bit. “Shop Local Saturday”, “Sharing Sunday”, “Cyber Monday”… blah blah blah… So- like I posted on FB earlier- I shall give the days left in this week catchy names of my own! Tomorrow is “Wet Willie Wednesday”. Then “Tacky Clothing Thursday”, “F--- it Friday”, “Sappy Saturday”, and lets round everything off with a hella fun “Sucky Sunday” shall we? The Lions do play on Sunday, don’t they? 
There. Commercialize the ever loving shit outta them apples!!!

Why I am home today… I was supposed to be productive today. I was supposed to run a couple crafty errands, clean the photo studio downtown, maybe even drop in on my mom’s art class for a bit… However. My body has other plans for me. My side of the bed and pillow were drenched upon waking up this morning after fitful rounds of running to the bathroom all night long. So my only guess is that I had a fever. I am constantly cold this morning- in spite of my vitamins and cayenne pepper pill (to increase my craptastic Dutch circulation). A hot steaming shower did nothing to remove the chill from my bones. And honestly- the thought of being more than ten footsteps (running or limping) from a bathroom currently terrifies me. Hence- no errands, no outside of my home productivity. Instead I am in my office with the space heater cranked to “Hell on Earth” temperature- hoping to get both a blog and photo editing done. Maybe even a little SWMCCC work done since my e-mail has been exploding all morning with messages from my other staff members. I think my body has realized I have two days off from retail job and has decided in all its wisdom to come crumbling down- leaving me cold, defeated, and a pathetic image of my former, stressed, working my ass off self.

(Climbing a top my imaginary cash register, thumps chest, kicks over the half full box of Slim Jims) Retail jobs during the roughest weekend on Earth. These are just generalized ideas, topics, and judgments based on the humanity I have witnessed in the past four days at work. So please- if my so called FB spy is reading this- get bent. I am not being specific, I am not naming names… just passing along my quippy observations. If you take offense to that (which FB spy, we both know you will) kindly take a fly leap off of the Mountain F--- You, into the abyss of Do I Honestly Give a F---.

When a sale runs from oh say- 5am till 12pm on Black Friday- no, you cannot get it for the morning sale price at 5 in the afternoon. If you come in on Monday, expecting the sale price, and that we will have it in stock- you are a moron. I understand that is the ad (for Black Friday, clearly labeled as such, complete with running sale times) (that you are shaking in your fist)- however, it is in fact 1pm on Monday. Sorry no, you cannot have that price. I honestly could care less that you didn’t come down here on Friday to get it. Your problem, not mine. I can only do my job as I know how to- I cannot and will not override my employers policies and prices, just to make it cheaper for you- do not ask me to. Nor should you lose your temper and call me names because you cannot get your way- you are acting like a 5 year when you do so. Also, and I know I have said this before- there should be and probably is a special place in hell for those people that pay for a $5.23 order with a $100 bill. On a side note- I hope there is also a special room in that part of hell for people that bitch when I break their $100 bill with a $50. There, I broke it. Trust me when I say if I had a $75 bill, I would have given you that. Stop complaining, stop bitching… Retail workers are human to. We work at cash registers, deal with miserable people that think of us as scum- so we can pay our bills and put food on the table for our families. We can only do our jobs as best we can and we tolerate more harassment, bullshit, and bitchy people then you could comprehend. We, retail workers, do not come to your job at “Blah de Blah Where Ever the Hell” and treat you like the random cat turd just found under the fridge, do we?? Didn’t think so. (stepping down from my imaginary cash register counter, taking a bow… uh-oh… runs to bathroom)

Again- another disclaimer- this is my opinion. Read it or don’t… this topic is huge in the news and yes I have an opinion. Scroll past this part if you must, but this is how I look at it. Don’t like it? Get bent and stop reading my blog all together. Please.

There has been all this upset over Ferguson, MS in the news. For those that live under a rock… a white cop was not indicted in the shooting death (by him) of an “un-armed” black boy. Boy? I think not. He stood well over a foot taller then said officer. He jacked a convenience store, where video surveillance recorded him robbing the store and tossing the small in stature Pakistany owner like a rag doll through a rack of candy bars. This “boy” bitch slapped the cop and kept coming at him. Had the officer a tazer, he would have been tazed. Instead, the white officer shot the idiot for still coming at him sensing a threat upon his life. The cop was found not guilty, didn’t get indicted. Then the riots started. People injured innocent police officers. They burned down businesses… What the f--- did that innocent Walgreens do to you, dipshit? Really, did that owner of that strip mall have anything to do with the situation between a black man and a white cop? Nope, didn’t think so! The only people making this about race are the asshats not involved in the first place. But you animals burned it anyways. Like I posted as my status on FB that night the judgment was announced… “Papa? What’s that glow in the sky? Is it the Northern Lights? ‘No son, that’s Ferguson, MS.”

Furthermore- these “protests” about the “great injustice” in Ferguson in other parts of the country… I get it, you have a right to your opinion- so do I. I write mine in a blog for the humorous enjoyment of others… But- when you damage property, threaten the lives of innocent people (in Boston- freakin’ Boston of all places… Protestors blocked off the only access to a major hospital and threatened the lives of paramedics trying to bring in patients in the name of Ferguson and Michael Brown. WHAT THE F--- makes you think that is okay??) At some point I hope these “protestors” realize that it doesn’t mean anything. The only racial tension that exists is the kind you idiots are creating in the name of something you had absolutely nothing to f---ing deal with in the first damn place. Using it as your catalyst to create havoc and destruction in the name of some great slight the world has dealt you. Sounds like you have serious self-confidence issues to me.

Remember all those race based riots way back when O.J. Simpson was found not guilty? Didn’t think so. If you, as a race, feel slighted by some great injustice- work towards fixing it. Rioting, burning down family businesses, burning the American flag (which- if that’s how you feel- get the holy hell outta my country asshat), threatening lives of innocent people isn’t how to go about it. You’re just making yourselves look like epic douchbags.

Here’s a recap: We’ve covered major news topic. We’ve covered retail during the holidays. We’ve covered how crappy I am actually feeling right now… Hmmm…. Pretty good. Excuse me while I make myself another Alkaseltzer cocktail and chase it with anti-poop meds… Be right back…

Now then… Where were we?? (Reads own recap after removing cat from sleeping on keyboard… nods head… wonders what’s with all the typed internal monologue… shakes head…) 

Shit… sorry… think I done runned outta stuff to say. Darn it! Oh well- guess that means it’s time to post this blog, fold laundry, and work on photos I have to edit… Laters!!!

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