Sports Expos are Fun!!!

Broken and bleeding the day my oopsie happened-

Hubby thinks one of two things happened. The way and velocity on which I fell straight down onto my knees either 1# hyper extended the main joint in my pelvis (imagine a book opening backwards) or 2# I spiderweb fractured my pelvis radiating out from the two main ball and socket joints. Either way, either injury- I need to slow down and take it easy. Another fall within a month or so will most likely end up in completely fractured pelvis/hip, surgery, and at least 6 weeks bed rest.

As I teased, Hubby and I worked at a Health/Fitness/Sports Expo on Saturday. The following are snippits I wrote down in my journal (in italics) with explanations.

“All you other chicks with you’re pumped up t**s better run, better run faster than my notebook…”- the re-written lyric to Foster People's "Pumped Up Kicks". In reference to all the people I was being snarky about.

Any male person in the building is getting sized up like sirloin steaks on sale at the meat counter- sized up by the lonely housewife business bureau members.

“Oh yeah… weren’t you in the gluten free class? The one right after the tofu class?” “Sometime I will take the vegan class, but it sounds too hard…”- why not just stop eating period?

Stupid questions abound- “Is it called Itty Bitty Ambulance?” “Well, yes that’s what all our signs, stickers, pens, magnets, and pamphlets say, isn’t it?”- a question and answer period with a lovely housewife business bureau member who was looking at Hubby like he was prime-F*ing-rib on a buffet table. She then asked if I just drove the ambulance or actually did something useful. I smiled and nodded.

Chiropractors are cocky & arrogant & wear pants too tight for their cranks- GQ Chiro was walking around with his elephant shoved into a tube sock (ie- dress pants way to small) or he was wearing a cup... Either way- gross.

A health and fitness expo means its okay to wear grungy/stinky workout clothes?? On the flip side, if you want your booth noticed- put a cute bubble butt blonde in pink yoga pants in front w/ a smile and handouts.

The sports moms are sweating to the Zumba while the dads are decked out in team spirit gear and grunting about sports sign ups

Tri4him fitness- cause god doesn’t like your ass being fat! Diet Coke guzzling anorexic bitches who stared at us like we had three heads when we cracked open our tasty super salads come lunch time.

The hearing aid girl looked all worried and sad- but then she got a text she smiled, she blushed… must have been a first date the night before- she reminded me of a wallflower. She reminded Hubby of the librarian who did all sorts of nasty things behind closed doors.

Enamored by the free things- Yup. Nothing not pinned down would walk away if we weren't looking... "No, no, ma'am- that's MY monster! Complete with lipstick mark"

The busier it gets, the more it smells of sweat dirty clothes and un-washed jock straps- need I say more?

It’s funny how people, especially soccer moms, instantly fix their postures when they are speaking to the handsome chiropractor, then to watch them exhale and their meatloaves (way more than a muffin top) expand under their big button sweaters

The flock of fresh GVSU nursing school girls are circling the jock chiros with dirty in their eyes- why did the theme to Grey’s Anatomy pop into my head just now??

Curves Halloween costume

Last night, we took a hot tub at "The Oasis". In spite of their prices getting jacked up, we still had fun. Especially listening to the domestic dispute in the tub room on one side, while the other room on the other side... Well.... They were clearly having more fun they we were, so we plugged in my iPod and rocked out to Hugh Laurie's New Orlean's jazz album. Drowned out all the other sounds perfectly...

Tomorrow, after a doctor's appointment for Hubby's sadly plugged up and painful ear, we are going to the gardens to inhale some fresh green and sign up for a year membership. He taught a CPR class and with the extra cash we're going to make me happy for non-stop drop ins at the Gardens whenever I want to. Totally worth $65 dollars. Totally. Can you hear that? I think my camera just had a mini-heart attack.

Next week, Hubby and I will venture to the land of MSU to meet up with Nana/"Editor" to discuss the "Medics" book. She loved it. And coming from her, that means more then I can explain in a few short words. I'm thrilled! She cannot wait to read the second one in the- eek, swallows hard "series". Her word, not mine.


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