Salander, Inkblot Salander

Hubby and I had a great weekend, capped by going to take in a movie Sunday afternoon. He’s almost completely finished the 3 book series of “Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, Girl Who Played with Fire, and Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” Well, we went to see the movie based on the first book. Per Hubby’s opinion- the movie followed the book better than imagined. I have yet to read any of the books (kinda working on my own, ya know?) Anyhoo- our screening of the flick was in the last theater in the double digit number hallway- that small, cramped theater that sits maybe a hundred- “ the last stop before DVD production” movie theater.

Side note… “The Expendables 2” preview played. As if the cast of the first wasn’t shit hot awesome??? They’ve frickin’ added Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwartzz-a-govner, Van Dam- he got a nice ass, and Bruce Willis!!!! EPIC! EPIC, EPIC, EPIC!!!!!

Hubby and I watch as the mini-theater around us starts to fill… 65% of the theater was filled. 60% of the people were over the age of 50. No- 60! Hubby and I were in the 5% under the age of 40. This was promised to be pretty graphic when it came to both sex and violence, so why in the hell are Avon Ladies, and the retired golfers association in our theater? WTF??? Now- not to ruin anything- but the sex and sexual violence in the movie is intense! REALLY intense. And surrounding us were old people- it was what I assumed it would feel like to watch porn with my parents in the room! Gross! And uncomfortable...

Back to the movie. I loved it. I really deeply loved it. Nice amount of nudity, quirky character tidbits, and well… To avoid insertion of a spoiler alert or 10- I will stop there. I ate way too much popcorn and skittles- shoot, I left those in my back pack, wonder if they spilled yet… Movie finished- and my body had processed my giganto-bucket-de-soda so I had to find a tree or something, but there was eminent wreckage about to happen. So in I walked into the baby sized, end of the theater hallway bathroom to find a line waiting. Damn. Then a woman ahead of me, we’ll call her fugly sweatshirt, starts eyeballing my attire. Whatever. Then my ears perk, kinda like a dog, the old bitch book club that was in the movie with us is “discussing” the movie. And me.

“There was just too much sex. They only had sex in the book, once…” “Did you see that girl by us? Can you say someone’s read the book a little too much? At least her hair isn’t dyed black…” Giggle, giggle…

I settled into my stall and listened for more geriatric, high school gossip, at my own expense… “And her boots? What is that?”

“I like them! Bought them at Target a few years ago!”, shoves my booted leg underneath the stall wall into old bitch stall next to me. All conversation stops at this point. Unfortunately they were gone before I pulled up my tights and skirt- boo… I wanted to fuck with them some more!

Fugly sweatshirt was still in there, washing her hands- “So, do you take out your face piercings to look normal when you go out?” I shook my head, muttered fuck you under my breath and walked out.

When I told Hubby all this in the main foyer of the movie place- he laughed. He laughed a lot. I honestly found it funny as well. Here’s what I looked like last night.

This is what Lisbeth Salander, in the movie, looked like-

Oh yeah- like we're separated a birth, right? I’m Mary F*in Poppins, compared to her! How in the hell does your mind make that leap?? I am also going to search the internet to find a shirt Lisbeth Salander wore in the movie. If I cannot find one- I will be making one. Edited of course from what is says in the movie- "F* you, you F*ing F*."

To sum up- "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" movie- EPIC! Watching it with old biddy bitches, then being shit talked by same biddy bitches in the pisser- not so epic.


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