Somewhere...

Somewhere my guardian angel is having a nervous breakdown...

For the non-locals that read this blog, something happened up here Tuesday night that shook me up in more ways then one. Tuesday night is the "Dinner with Dad" night. So, Hubby Dad and myself took off into the world for dinner. We stopped for fuel (Dad messed up at the pump and started with Premium, not regular.) After correcting this error and filling up the car completely we got onto the highway bound for Alpine. We were cruising along, discussing many a topic when before my brain could fully grasp what was happening, Dad slammed on the brakes, making the front of the car nose dive. He swerved and hit the gas. I looked up to see a full sized Ford Expedition screaming across the highway in front of us, slamming into the bridge. He missed us by ten feet.

We pulled over, Dad called 9-1-1 while Hubby and I went to check out the driver. Another gentleman stopped and was getting into the backseat to hold C-spine on the driver. Hubby pulled the driver's door open and started assessing the while he told me to have Dad tell dispatch that it was a prioity one head injury with broken arm, paramedic on scene. Tending to the guy and watching traffic fly past us had my focus until we left after the paramedics got on scene... On our way to the restaurent, all of us bright eyed from the adreanline rush, I started thinking. He missed us by ten feet. Five seconds. It turned out, he'd gotten on the highway at Alpine, driving West at close to 100 MPH in the east bound lanes before losing control on some ice under the Walker Avenue bridge. He blew twice the legal limit for alcohol at the hospital and they are still waiting on drug and blood tests to comfirm he was on something else. The way he looked, his eyes glazed and bleary- I have no doubt he was waxed out on something.

It's bullshit to play the what if game most times, but that's all I'd been doing since. What if we were closer. What if he hit us and not zooming across four lanes of traffic into the bridge. After an incredibly bad morning at work yesterday (we'll get to that), I come to realize my guardian angel must be having a nervous break down today. Last night, I finally spilled it to Hubby. What I'd been thinking- the what if game I'd been playing with myself.

If he'd hit us, and I was under the assumption I'd be pinned in the car against the bridge, I would have seen my father, unconcious if not dead from the 80MPH plus impact in the driver seat next to me. I'd kick out the glass sun roof, since I'm sure the car woldn't have power. I'd climb out through the roof, sliding down the back of the PT Cruiser we were in. I rip the door open on the Expedition, leaving Hubby in the car to tend to my father. I'd probably have a broken right hand so my first move would to be bring my elbow across the driver's jaw. Once the adrenaline really kicked in, I'd drag him from the vehicle, nailing him with a knee to his solar plexus, before pummeling him with everything I had in me. I even thought about checking for a pulse mid-beating, then resuming the pounding the shithead deserved.

I know it's unrealistic, it's insane, to plan things out to this detail- to prepare myself for claiming emotional unrest when the officers pulled me off his bleeding and broken body there on the side of the highway, but I'm not a flight kinda girl. I'm a fight, kinda girl. But if my father had been critically hurt, or my husband, I would have no problems, no remorse, for beating the sonofabitch into oblivion. Hubby assured me last night that what I was thinking is normal. It's how I deal with things. And to not feel guilty of worse for thinking this way. Yesterday morning at work only made things worse.

I left bound for Hart in pouring down rain. Once I got through Muskegon, I didn't realize what was about to happen. There is a double bridge causeway across the swamps. I crossed the first bridge with no issue. Mid way across the second- cars were losing control and spinning out around me, one was on it's roof between the North and South bound lanes with a police officer on scene. I had crossed some invisible line where it went from rain to ice in a heartbeat. Then the back end of the massive ambulance I was driving started to lose it. I regained control of the truck, slowed down, and felt helpless watching cars around me lose control. Within twenty miles- it went from ice storm to snow storm. Ice glazed everything, including my windshield, to seven inches plus of untreated slush and snow on the highway.

It was snowing so hard I could barely see the hood of the ambulance. The highway slowed to about thirty miles an hour, cars ahead of me losing control. One was sitting perfectly on it's driver's door with the grille facing me the tail lights facing the opposite direction- completely reverse from what it should have been. I stopped in Whitehall to catch my breath and get something to eat before getting back underway. By the time I got to Hart, we were traveling at the incredible speed of 15 miles an hour on the highway.

After getting back to the shop, another harrowing ordeal going South through what I'd just gone North through- I had to do my second run. Paw Paw. It was nothing but rain the entire way there. No ice, no snow, just fog and rain. It was so relaxing I damn near fell asleep at the wheel compared to the first run of the day.

Today, I have off. I'm doing housework, relaxing, drinking tea and taking my mood stabilizing B-100 complex vitamens. I have to pack a suitcase for I am off on a two day adventure to K'zoo tomorrow while Hubby holds down the fort here and has "Guy Time" all to himself. Hopefully, the trip South tomorrow morning won't be anything like the last two days of my highway experiences.

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