Super Bowl XLV aka 45

First and foremost- Christina “Skank-tastic, Dumb Bitch” Aguilera… You should probably run and hide somewhere in Siberia. You f*d up the National Anthem. You forgot a whole set of words, you added some- like “Gave us proof thru the night that our plane were still there???” We had planes way back then, interesting. Not to mention your vocal ad-libing sounded like someone was murdering a cat in a slow and painful method- like death by spoon- was enough to make anyone roll their eyes. The Congressional Medal of Honor recipient- the only living one since Vietnam, was in attendance and your mangled our national anthem in front of him? Are you retarded, woman? I seriously hope all our troops that had to suffer the embarrassment of your performance draws crosshairs on you. Congrats on demolishing any hopes of a musical career! What a F*up.
As only I can do it- here are the movie previews that really got Hubby and mine’s attention- Cowboys vs. Aliens- Harrison Ford on a horse- come on! Who doesn’t want to see that? Fast and Furious 3- Really? I thought the second kinda sucked butt, now there’s a third one? Hmmm… I’ll just wait till it’s on DVD, thanks. Transformers 3- Hell to the Yeah!!! Nice to see they went from token hottie- the fake Ms. Fox to some blonde chic…
Commercial Recap- The best SB ad by far in my humble loud opinion was the mini Darth Vader attempting to use his Jedi mind tricks- only to get the poop scared out of him when Dad turns the car on by remote. I literally peed a little when the little dude jumped! Along the lines of car commercials- the “Black Betty” racing beetle bug ad, was seriously cute. The “Epic Ride” ad for the new Kia Optima was a hit with Hubby. Hubby also really liked the spot for escaping the Confines of Luxury commercial- I can’t remember what car it was for. And I loved the Lassie/Chevy ad- “I didn’t even know this town had a volcano!” The one car ad I absolutely hated more then the psychedelic trip ad was the 30 second, 12 million dollar run of up the butt jokes for the new Mini Cooper. Someone in that ad department needs to hit the unemployment line for that one. Seriously? You wasted 12 million dollars on a 30 second spot filled with up the ass jokes? Who signed off on that?
Food commercials were dominated by none other then Doritos this year, starting off with the uber creepy sniffer/random finger sucker guy. Oh my god, YUCK! Their other notable ad was the cute little pug puppy taking down the glass door, pinning dumbass down to get the bag of Doritos from him. Awesome. I thought it was going end differently. The third was the creepy odd commercial of the house sitter crumbling up Doritos to bring dead things to life, a fish, a plant… then he knocks over Grandpa’s ashes. So what doe she do, add a sprinkle of chips and suddenly long dead Grandpa (complete with ash smeared face) is alive and well. Um… Little too far?
Pepsi’s spots were good, the hostile diet angered wife beating the shit out of her husband, only to throw a can of the drink at his head, he ducks and she ends up pegging the hot blonde jogger. Nice. My favorite ad for Pepsi was the douche bags vs. nerd. Who hasn’t wanted to throw a can of Pepsi into the private parts of a popped collar butt-wad? I didn’t like a single one of Bud Light’s ads, so don’t ask.
A super hot turned puke party ad was the Go ad. It featured a smokin hot body, touting the new Go Daddy girl… The camera pans up, and up, she gets hotter and hotter- then the face. Joan Rivers. I seriously almost puked up chili cheese nachos and chicken nuggets, everyone. Another ad that went too far was that for HomeAway Travel- a fake baby, looking really life like, doing a face plant into a glass window, then painfully sliding down slowly with the face sliding and stretching, YUCK! One last notable commercial was the very well done Eminem/Chrysler 200. Very well done, nice spin on making Detroit look good again. Not too shabby.
Halftime Recap: It sucked! Between Fergie dry humping Slash while murdering “Sweet Child o’ Mine”, the technical difficulties with making everyone’s mics work and the lights of the stage not functioning… It SUCKED! She sounded like crap, when you could hear her, the guys- too heavily micro-phoned… The only remotely cool thing was the very much too Tron-esque light suits the out of time dancers were wearing… I was seriously not impressed with how it went down considering all the hype that happened before it.
Game Recap: Really I didn’t pay all that much attention. I was too busy trying to get stuff set for my workday from hell today was. I didn’t really want to watch the game for one reason: Ben Rothlesberger (I don’t even care how to spell it right). The infamous QB for the Steelers is well hated by me for a few choice reasons. Number one- years ago, he was a serious advocate of the freedom of choosing whether to wear or not wear a motorcycle helmet. Then the stupid SOB tries suing the great state of Penn, for not making it mandatory. Only after damn near dying in a motorcycle accident sans, you guessed it, his helmet. There’s a real choice role-model for the kiddies, eh?

Number two- I’m sure everyone remembers the fairly recent events that unfolded down south involving Big Ben Butthead. That’s right, he got wasted, raped a waitress in a dirty dark bathroom, then got off on the technicality of “He’s too popular, he’ll never get a fair trial…” WWWHHHAAAA! He’s a miserable, worthless, date raping, brain dead, over paid JACKASS!!!
I’m sorry Troy “Luscious Hair, Sweetheart” Palomalo had to lose the Super Bowl, but I’m friggin’ over-joyed that Big Ben Douchbag lost! That right there is what I’d like to call, Karma. I was really hoping that after he made it obvious that his left knee was messed up that some blessed Packer would have speared it. I know that’s a serious penalty and fine, but damn, that would have been lovely! (Bowing my head in a tiny prayer...) "Dear Big Daddy, Junior, the Spook, and the head's of the NFL- please please please, regrettably forget to re-up Big Ben Douchbag's contract for next season. Let the creepy date raping jerkface curl up and dissappear, for I fear the more money you give him, the more women he will rape and get off scott free. Please let him ride off into the sunset without a helmet and crash into a concrete bridge pilon. KTNXBAI...
Today I punched in at 6:15am and punched out 2:30pm... I will write more about today tomorrow...


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