Sports Moms...

First and foremost- the weather guessers are at it again. OMG- it’s going to be a massive, world ending as we know it storm. Yup. Believe it when I see it, folks. It is freezing cold however. Low temps with an ungodly East wind that freezes your fingers and ears in record time. But the “storm” itself- like I said before- I will believe it when I see it.

Hubby and I went to a wrestling tourney yesterday in the fine town of Plainwell. You may remember me speaking of Plainwell much like I do in terms of Wayland. If not, see last Wednesday’s blog. Plainwell is the same animal when it comes to me driving a Paw Paw ambulance. Anyhoo- the tourney. Mouse’s son did very well, in spite of losing two bouts near the end. His sportsmanship has greatly improved.

Sportsmanship- the next topic. While at the tourney, I did some serious people watching and what I saw both infuriated me and scared the hell out of me. Bitch number one. She was a team mom from Marcelluis, her tee shirt emblazoned with the words “Boe’s Mom”. Who names their kid Boe? The Dukes of Hazzard County called and said you’re fucking un-original! Boe’s Mom was an avid team mom and while her son was getting his ass handed to him, crouched down on the mat, slapping it furiously, trying to tell the referee what to do and screaming at her son. Then it happened. Her pants slipped down the globes of her redneck ass to reveal that Boe’s Mom doesn’t like to wear underwear! And lemmie tell ya- if you’re butt fro reviles any of the male plumbers cracks on full display- you need to wax that shit or, well. Wear f*ing underwear!

Bitch number two- the one that pissed me off the most by far! She was tall, with badly dyed blonde hair and glasses that would have made Clark Kent happy. She was in a too short, too deeply V neck cut turquoise tee shirt; and bra that did nothing in the way of supporting her team sized titties; and low riding, butt clutching, muffin- er meat loaf top jeans. Yes, folks, she had a meat loaf top, not a muffin top. She threw a fit right after we got there because her Flip cam’s memory card was full- throwing it at her poor father who was there to see his grandson wrestle. Her son was a pussy. You could tell by just looking at the kid, he was the one that got his lunch money stolen daily. Buck teeth, whiney voice, 40 pounds soaking wet… I felt sorry for him just by looking at him, but then his mom… Damn kid. Run away and run away now! Carnival people would give you a better upbringing!

Each time her son went to the mat, she was there screaming words of “encouragement” to him while he got pinned in less then a minute in the first round of his first bout. The poor kid never won a single bout. He would get up, shake hands with the kid that just kicked his ass, and limped off the mat in great heaving sobs and alligator’s tears that would melt the heart of anyone. Mom’s response? Bitch slapping him across the face, resounding in a loud smack! This pissed me off! She did this more then once- like each time after the kid’s four bouts. I wanted to kick the bitch’s ass. Or at least say something to her.

Then I realized that would be unwise. The other surrounding sports moms would pick up on the fact I wasn’t one of them- by way of my lack of team sweatshirt and McD’s coffee cup, and slaughter me. Ripping me limb from limb on the center mat and feasting upon my non-sports mom carcass like lions with a gazelle. So instead I sat and seethed, wishing death and dismemberment on the woman for the rest of the day there at the tourney.

The majority of those sports moms are overbearing, worthless to the general population, bitches. Congrats! You forced your child into a sport they never wanted to be in, in the first place. You suck! If bitch slapping you child in full view of the public is your method of encouragement, well then, you ma’am need the same treatment- with a baseball bat lined with saber wire!

Unbelievable, really. I’m only sorry I didn’t get a picture of her with my camera so as to post her face on a child abuse website somewhere. The only thing that pissed me off more was the fact the kid’s father or bitch’s boyfriend, whatever, seemed totally in line with the treatment of the kid. You sir, suck. Man up for maybe five minutes and tell the bitch she’s over the line. If you are, in fact, fine with this sort of treatment of a child- then you need that same saber wire covered baseball bat shoved directly up your…

Gees... Some people should just be sterilized on day one.

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